March of the Peacocks

Here I am, writing to you from small prison cell, I mean dorm, in Centennial Hell, I mean Hall. I am officially a college student again.

My major challenge while I am here is not my academics, or managing a busy schedule. It is trying to not complain. I am attempting at a cynic- free lifestyle. I live in a first year dorm as the RA, floating in between classes and the library.

But amidst all my begrudging, I feel a real sense of hope. As cheesy as it is, I found a little bit of strength for a new-found outlook through my long time hero, Conan O'Brien.

My fellow Irish-American Conan has been through an interesting ordeal in the past couple of months. He was living his dream, and then all of it came to a sudden stop. I'm sure I can relate to how he must be feeling on some level. Having come back from the most amazing year of my life, I feel strangely out of place back here at square one. It all ended too suddenly, and I find myself shaking my head and trying to believe that all those amazing things happened, and that I met so many people who will hold a place in my heart forever.

But Conan's goodbye speech is what made me take a second look at the road that lies before me here at University. Conan said this:

"I have had more good fortune than anybody I know. and if our next gig is doing a show in a 7-11 parking lot, we will find a way to make it fun. we really will. i have no problems. (I don't want to do it in a 7-11 parking lot)"

"I ask one thing: Please do not by cynical...it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they would get. but if you work really hard, and you are kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you, amazing things will happen"

From all of this, I gather a lot of strength. It comes from a humbled part of my heart that I say that I have had more good fortune that anybody I know. It's not that I think that I am better than those I know, it is that I recognize the fact that I have been divinely favored and blessed by God. I can't speak highly enough of the year I have had. I could speak for hours about how my life has been forever changed. But I also know that there is more to come, and admittedly this is something I have to reaffirm to myself everyday. I can find a way to make this fun. I can work harder and be more kind than anyone I know. In this way, I will forge on, constantly keeping my eye on the horizon for wonderful things to happen.



PS- I think I look like Conan's wife. Google that stuff. And her last name is Powell. Wicked cool, eh?

Resiliance

As of today, I have been home for exactly three weeks. Since being home I have been itching, stirring, and rolling in my sleep. I feel like a fly on a camel's back. I am officially bored.

Adding to my frustration is the fact that I have been snowed in many times since I have been home. Today has been one of those days.

Stir-crazy, I went out to get the mail. The snow was still falling hard, and many neighbors were out with snow blowers and shovels. And it was so strange. Above the scrape of shovels and roar of the blowers, I heard laughter. And chatting. People were greeting each other and digging out.

That's when I realized something about Nebraska. People who live here are among the most resilient I have ever met. I don't know how, but somehow the weather can't get them down. When they are faced with obstacles, they fall down and get up laughing.

I witnessed a similar thing last week as well. Once, I drove my car into a snow bank down the street from my house. I was unable to drive, and blocking the road. Another driver silently got out of his car, grabbed a shovel, and helped me scoop the white fluff and harsh ice from around my confined tires. There were exchanges between us. It was an unspoken camaraderie.

To shamelessly quote Primo Levi again:"The sea's only gifts are harsh blows, and, occasionally, the chance to feel strong."

The same is true for Nebraska. You can't expect more from this prairie land than harsh blows of snow, and the chance to feel capable of shoveling it out of the way.

In the days ahead, I will be faced with a unique challenge: Living the day to day. Working hard, and just waiting until I can wander again. Waiting to escape Nebraska. But maybe in the meantime I will be given a chance to feel strong.